Don't Sell Yourself Out. 7 Ways I Did.

Don't Sell Yourself Out. 7 Ways I Did.

Years ago, I was watching Iyanla, Fix My Life and she was telling a pastor's wife that she sold herself out for a church hat and a parking spot. Iyanla's method felt harsh for a lot of viewers, and it was easy for many of us to look at the wife's situation as salacious entertainment. Surely, she knew her husband was a whole cheatin' ass fool. Why would she stay?

There are so many ways that we dishonor ourselves, even when we dress ourselves up in fine clothing, degrees, and titles. 

Often, we sacrifice our desires, feelings, and freedom because we think the temporary pain will yield long term reward. We don't realize that the only thing our "sacrifice" is doing is cheapening our standards and diminishing our self-esteem. 

I know I'm not talking about you. Surely, I'm talking about your play-cousin Rhonda and your friends back home. You're much too smart for that, right?

I need to let you in on a hard truth though. Your intelligence has nothing to do with the ways we dishonor ourselves. 

My use of "we" is intentional. 

My journey in self-love has seen highs and lows, and for too many years I've dishonored myself: my sense of , my self-worth, the people I allowed in my life, the behavior I accepted, and in the boundaries I allowed to be crossed.

  • I sold myself out when I said "yes" when I meant "no"

  • I sold myself out every time I stayed in a relationship, job, or position out of guilt

  • I sold myself out when I stayed stagnant out of the fear of the unknown

  • I sold myself out when I accepted friends and relationships that didn't prioritize me back

  • I sold myself out when I gave more than I received

  • I sold myself out when I welcomed back what was familiar instead of what allowed me to be fully loved

  • I sold myself out when I listened to the mafia in my head instead of God's truth in my heart

How many of you have sold yourself out in at least one of these ways?

Here Is what I discovered is the way forward, past selling yourself out.

  • Tell yourself the truth of what you're resisting, avoiding, and excusing. Put pen to paper.

  • Understand the function of feelings and begin to trust your own.

  • Get clear about what you value and trust that your heart desires are good enough.

  • Learn to forgive your own humanity and give yourself permission to move forward.

You got this? Yes, you do.

Black Women and Antidepressants: On Being the Mule of the World

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