I wasn't prepared for the miscarriages that deemed my womb a grave.
I wasn't prepared for the insecurity and ugliness that my marriage brought.
I wasn't prepared for the difficulties that home ownership and then foreclosure would bring.
What I Needed to Know: Letter to My 30-year-old Self
If I had known that the Black American Dream of being the Huxtables would not bring about the peace and fulfillment, I wouldn't have spent almost a decade holding on to that image or to that box.
Exclusively Dating: On Overcoming Dysfunctional Love
I spent the next few years figuring out who I was, but I still looked for forgiveness and validation through relationships. I tried to earn love. I longed to be enough.
Black Women and Antidepressants: On Being the Mule of the World
I didn’t share the outcome of those sleep studies and my current treatment. Because I was embarrassed.
Don't Sell Yourself Out. 7 Ways I Did.
We don't realize that the only thing our "sacrifice" is doing is cheapening our standards and diminishing our self-esteem.
Welcome Back
Back with pen to paper, fingers to keys writing my way through liberation and bringing you along for the journey.
What Your Money Habits Reveal About You
When I tell people I'm running a course about healing your relationship with money, I am usually met with one of two responses. If they've already "passed" the Are You Ready to Heal quiz, they'll whisper their private struggles and dysfunctional habits. If they're still in denial, they'll list all the reasons why their bank account balances are due to circumstances outside of their control. What they don't realize is that both answers tell me more about why they are broke than their salary, family size, or geographic location do combined. What do your money habits reveal about you?Take a look.
5 Ways You're Sabotaging Healing and How to Stop
We all mean well. We start of our healing journey (or our diet, church membership, book club, relationship) swearing that this time, we will be dedicated. We get all the necessary supplies and set our alarm clock to begin tomorrow ready. This motivation works for a few days and then bad habits set in.
Before we realize it, we are sabotaging our healing. We don't recognize these 5 signs of sabotage, and then end up off-course, frustrated, and back at square one.
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Money and Self-Care: Tips and More [VIDEO]
My journey with money and self-care hasn't been the easiest. I grew up believing that I was supposed to put myself last and that I could only spend money on myself when there was enough left over. I thought that it was normal to stress about bills and "rob Peter to pay Paul." It wasn't until the last two years did I change my mindset about money and began seeing it as a tool instead of something to fear. I discuss several of these mindset issues and provide suggestions in my book 31 Days of Self-Care. In the meantime, check out the Periscope rebroadcast about my journey with money and how I'm learning to be a good steward over my finances. As a bonus, I have some tips that will help you too!
Self-Care Tips Recap
If you follow me on social media you know I've been posting lots of content about my personal self-care journey. As a school administrator, mom, partner, and friend, it's way too easy to put myself last. I find myself rationalizing why I'll make time for myself once everyone else's needs are taken care of. Not only is this plan unrealistic (I can't give from an empty cup), but it's destined for failure because by the time I get to my own care, I'm too tired. As evidence, I am writing this post at 1am after passing out on the sofa shortly after dinner.
I know better than treating myself poorly, so I've been reminding myself of some self-care tips that consistently work for me. And who would I be if I didn't share them with my Butterflies?
This past weekend, I had the honor of attending the Dallas Bloggers Who Brunch event hosted by the sweet-spirited Adedoyin of www.shebeknowin.com (see other participants below). The brunch was designed to give participants an opportunity to brainstorm post topics and get tips for maintaining an editorial calendar. However, the truth that was shared extended way beyond the logistics of running of website.
Here are the top 4 nuggets of wisdom from the bloggers' brunch.
I didn't know that Little A's entry in this world would be far more impactful than those harrowing first few weeks. I know now that my lessons from motherhood are more than the technicalities of changing cloth diapers and juggling grad school with a full time job and newborn. Becoming a mother has taught me who I am as a woman, and I'm so proud that my daughter has been my greatest lesson.
What I realize now was that for many years, I needed a coach in addition to a therapist. I needed to create strategies for my personal and professional development. I needed to set measurable goals and strategize. I needed someone to hold me accountable and tell me to stop making excuses. I needed someone to hold up the mirror and help me focus. I needed action.
You can't get something new doing something old. We've heard this adage time and time again. Yet most of us are holding on to the past because we fear "losing" when we take new steps. We are afraid that taking a step is a gamble and Vegas has taught us that the gambles are always rigged against us. The house always wins. What I do know is that taking a step in spite of fear is an investment with a 100% return. Keep reading.
Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking about some of my lessons learned with both blogging, coaching, and goal mastery in general. Regardless of which productivity strategies, tools, pixie dust, or fairies you use, there is only one constant that will make or break your success-- consistency.
Many of us aren't consistent because there are underlying causes to our procrastination like self-efficacy, value, attribution, or emotions.*
Reboot Your Goal-Setting
Since the start of the year, I've been discussing a lot about goal-setting and minimizing stress. I truly believe in the depth of my soul that we are all placed on this earth to share our gifts with humanity in order to leave it a more interconnected, positive, and compassionate place. To that end, us over-achieving types sometimes beat up on ourselves for not climbing Mt. Everest in a day. Everyone else around us thinks we're accomplished and valuable, yet we have the Mafia in our mind that tells us we aren't good enough.
Find a quiet place, grab a glass of wine (or tea), and set your timer for 30 minutes as you complete this exercise for reflecting on your action steps.
If you're anything like me, your morning kicks off the start to a hectic routine. At 5:45 in the morning, you can find me snoozing until the last possible minute or mentally calculating what I can shave off from my morning routine so that I can sleep in for another 4 minutes. You'll often see me dressing my daughter in the dark so that I can minimize her whining, and finally frantically rushing out of the door pissed that I didn't make my target time.
This cannot be life!
3 Ways to Stop Accommodating Pain
We accommodate pain because we think that the little bit or piece of a person or piece of a life is better than its absence. We don't consider that if we got rid of the pain and ended or avoidance of it, then the only thing left would be good! If we got rid of the dysfunction, all we have is function. That allows us power, peace, and a positive flow towards our beliefs.